Writing, motherhood, and mindful living: How I'm reclaiming my time
Exploring yoga, digital minimalism, and the creative process—plus kids' reads, upcoming bookish events, and a pupdate!
Hello, my bookish friends! Today’s newsletter includes thoughts on being a mom, book recommendations, digital minimalism, a multi-author book event I have coming up, and of course, the monthly Pupdate.
What I’ve Been Up To
School is in full swing, and with a little more free time on my hands and a desire to occasionally pause and take a deep breath… I have joined a yoga studio.
Once upon a time, I was a very dedicated yogi, the sort who went to class 5+ days a week, joined a meditation book club, completed yoga challenges, and even had a dedicated yoga instagram! And then… I had a baby. Also, grad school. Somewhere in the mix, life felt too busy. But now, with a much more independent 6 year-old, and grad school behind me, I am BACK 👏 and contorting my body into all sorts of vaguely uncomfortable yet soothing shapes.
I’m really selling this, right?
Anyway, it’s been the highlight of the last couple of weeks. Mostly, it’s about taking time for myself again, something many mothers (and fathers, too) are not always great at doing. My goal is to be more centered, better at remembering to take a deep breath, to be calm.
This makes me think of the book I’ve been reading—Miranda July’s ALL FOURS, which is far more literary than my typical read, but one of those books I keep hearing about. I’m only about 10% in, and there are too many highlights in my Kindle version for me to put them all here, but this is one that really spoke to me:
“… extended trips, school holidays, a child being too sick to go to school, these things run a chill down the spines of working mothers whose freedom is so precarious to begin with.”
-Miranda July, On All Fours
I would say all mothers, not just working ones. I think about how many mothers I know count the minutes of their day as though they are counting out change, hoping they have enough. And that doesn’t always leave any moments for just them.
These are the things we’re not supposed to say out loud, but it’s so true. I’m incredibly grateful for being a mother and for being able to work from home and have my daughter with me—first, when she was little, and now before and after school, in the summer, on holiday breaks. But as wonderful as that is and was, it was also difficult, and with each passing year, I feel as though I’ve gained a little of that freedom back. Going back to yoga feels like a big step in that direction.
Whew, we got heavy for as second there, didn’t we?
Okay, well let’s move on. Just know, fellow mommas, I see you.
Bookish Event
I’m excited to share that I will be at an author meet-and-greet alongside a ton of other local authors here in Washington State! I’ll be the one with chocolate (that I will share!) talking all things bookish! I’ll also have my books available for purchase and signing.
Author Q&A
Thanks Emily for sending this question in! If you have a question, drop a comment below or simply reply to this message in your inbox, and I’ll answer it in future newsletters.
I would love to know the inspiration behind your books - like how you did you get the idea for that book, or what this book title..
- Emily
I think so much of being a writer is watching the world around us. Noticing details, listening in on conversations (yes, I admit it, I’ll bet you do, too!), simply being aware. For example, I was out and about last week and two women were talking about drama at a local (expensive! exclusive!) private school—I couldn’t help but think wow, that would make a great book. What’s going on behind closed doors there? The thing about ideas are that they are just jumping off points, and then you have to develop a story around them, have characters who make sense and change throughout the course of the book.
The idea for Make Me Disappear—a woman arranging for her own kidnapping to escape a narcissistic, sociopathic boyfriend—came seemingly out of nowhere. I knew there was a woman, that she needed to escape, and from there, lots of research was involved. How exactly would someone have themselves kidnapped??
Never Trust the Husband was inspired by my early morning runs in the dark. People leave their curtains and blinds open, their lights on, and of course, the human eye is drawn to light. I remember running through the streets of Alamo Heights in Texas (a rather fancy community), just thinking—wow, do these people realize they’ve effectively put themselves on stage? I could see them, clear as day, drinking their morning coffee, reading their newspaper. This was a character inspiration—who would do this on purpose, watch people through their windows in a calculated way? A character was a born, along with a whole story.
Book titles are a whole different animal, and in the traditional publishing space, more complicated than simply picking out a title you think works well. Make Me Disappear is actually the only book title that I came up with out of all four of my published books. The other three were chosen by Bookouture, my publisher. Book titles are one thing that help to (hopefully!) sell a book, and so there has to be a balance of it being appropriate to the book, but also having commercial appeal. Other publishers do this a little differently, and in many cases, while the authors don’t have total control, they do get a say in the published title.
For book title inspiration, I find my best titles come randomly to me—I’ll be revising the book and read a line and think ah hah! That’s what happened with Make Me Disappear, as well as my current project!
Bookish Recommendations
I am coming at you with a nonfiction book recommendation today! Recently, I began using the app Toggl (it’s free!) to track the time I spend writing vs revising vs marketing, etc. I’m a full-time writer, but that role includes far more than just writing, and I wanted to have a better handle on how exactly I was spending time. It made me realize too much of my “work” hours were spent not, ahem, working. Which made me more aware of the time I was spending on my phone throughout the entire day, work and non work time.
I never used to be the person on her phone too much—Instagram, Facebook, texting, etc. Then I became an author, and that means I’m supposed to connect with readers via these platforms. And you know what, I love doing that! I love chatting with bookish people and seeing what others are reading. The Instagram book community is amazing (as is Substack’s, if you’re reading this via email and curious!). Plus, I’ve always had an affinity for photography, and I love snapping and posting pretty fall photos on my Instagram (like this one!)…
Add in a dash of the Covid era and maybe having a young child for long hours with no other social interaction, and I’ve realized that even for a small business owner who needs to connect with readers via the internet, I’m on my phone too much. I think a lot of us have this problem. It’s so easy to snap up our phones, take a quick scroll, post a quick photo.
While at the gym several months ago, I observed a woman with a gray brick that looked not unlike a much smaller verse of the bulky original Game Boy many of us grew up with. When I questioned her about it, she shared it was the Light Phone. Basically, a slightly smarter version of a flip phone. It calls, texts, and… that’s pretty much it. It was this woman’s attempt to disconnect, and she professed loving it… even though she now carried her iPad with her everywhere in case she needed a smart device. 🤔
I’ve considered getting one of these phones. But too often, I feel as though I need to be better connected—able to check my email if my agent messages me, able to manage Facebook ads at a click (I don’t like the web version), capable of posting to Instagram in the 2 minutes I have while I’m waiting to pick my daughter up. I can acknowledge these might be symptoms of a phone addiction—maybe these are the exact things I need to force myself to stop. But I want a different kind of disconnect. Not total inaccessibility unless I’m sitting at my computer, but better management of the time I spend staring at a tiny screen. Somewhere in this book (I haven’t been highlighting this one), the author talks about people wanting to be more in control of their digital intake, and that’s what I want, too. So far, I’m really enjoying it, and it’s helping me be more cognizant of the time I’m spending with technology and how I’m using that time. My goal is to use it less, use it more effectively when I am using it, and be more present during the times not dedicated to work.
Anyway, here is the book in question! If you’re interested in reading, grab your copy here, or check it out at your local library. I’d love to know if you’ve taken steps to minimize the role of devices in your life.
What My Kid is Reading
We are in the midst of a huge graphic novel kick for the kiddo (which is so much fun, and a great bridge for kiddos who are a little over picture books, but still find chapter books intimidating). I’ve gotten a ton of recommendations, and so far, this is E’s favorite series. Since she loves all things spooky, she has especially been enjoying the Halloween edition of the Narwal and Jelly series:
Yes, it really does glow in the dark (we checked three times). Seeing her absolutely lost in the book while I did stairclimber necessitated taking a photo (more of that digital non-minimalism). You can grab a copy for yourself and/or the kiddo in your life here.
Pupdate
First up, a Flashback Friday photo. I stumbled upon this one and just had to share. So much going on in one photo. The cat you might not recognize is Domino, who passed away in 2018, but had the biggest personality of any cat ever.
And I got ALL THREE CATS in one photo (yes it involved bribery). From L to R is Frankie, Lil’st Kitty, and The Kitten.
Well friends, that’s a wrap. Thank you so much to all my new subscribers! I really appreciate you hanging out here with me, reading my words, both newsletter and books. I’ve been asked a few times when is the next book coming out? and I’ll have news on that soon! If you aren’t already, please consider subscribing. I email 1-2 times a month with newsletters pretty similar to this one. Feel free to comment or hit “reply” if this is in your inbox with any questions you have or topics you’d like to see discussed in future newsletters. Thanks! - Jessica
Jessica Payne is a psychological thriller author who has probably spent a little too much time studying the dark intricacies of the human mind. An expert coffee drinker, she loves to go on long runs to manage the resulting caffeine jolt. Jessica lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband, daughter, and their many (many!) cats and dogs. Her novels include Make Me Disappear, The Lucky One, The Good Doctor, and Never Trust the Husband. You can find out more at jessicapayne.net
Yay for school and yoga time!